Hello my friends! The last blog update was about the recommendation for long-term care placement for Heather. Not a whole lot has changed since then except that it’s been confirmed that she’s been placed on a priority list. What this means is that instead of being on a potential three-year-long waiting list, the recommendation to a specific home could come at any time. It could be tomorrow or it could be in a month or in three months, but it won’t be three years. I’m pretty sure that in three years Heather will be gone. She continues to decline in function and ability, and there are some days where she seems really down and out of it, and that makes me so sad. On the other hand, it makes the decision to place her in long-term care a little easier because I’m not sure how much difference it will make to her where she is as long as she’s comfortable and clean and safe. My only wish is that she gets placed very close to home so that I can visit and participate in her care daily.
This is a real emotional roller coaster for me, but every time I go through a cycle of ups and downs, I am a little more clear about the direction ahead, and I find it a little bit easier to accept. The tears are not flowing as freely as they were a month ago, but I’m still grieving. Most days I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck; it’s hard to function, even though I go through the motions and try to maintain some normalcy in my days. When people ask, “Hey John, how are you doing?” I just really don’t know how to respond, so I just smile and say I’m OK, but it’s not the truth. I’m not OK, but I understand what’s going on, and I will get through this, that I know. I’m a very resilient and adaptable person, and I will be OK in the long run, but on a day-to-day basis now, I have a bit of shell shock; I guess that’s a way to put it. My YouTube channel is still growing, and it’s at 13,000 subscribers now. That was definitely not the goal here, but it’s kind of nice mainly because of the huge and steady stream of positive comments and affirmations that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t know why this is important to me, but it is. I’m always questioning my decisions, so it’s great to have this confirmation that I’m making the right ones. Thanks for following along and thanks for your comment here! You are not alone!
